The Brotherhood of Damn Sassy Mutants

Yeah...So I decided to meet up with my friends for the ol' DC '06 convention in the ATL. (where apparently more than playas play). I had to let it sink in for a day or so before I made a valiant attempt at describing the goings on of this blessed conference for all of the maladjusted members of society. I'm not gonna try to explain what happened in a narrative of any sort, b/c it wouldn't do the experience justice (besides...I was hammered for the entire experience). So just imagine me sporting an Alf mask and a bag full of booze, witnessing the following events unfold, in no particular order (you can trust the accuracy of the events, b/c like any good journalist, I had a trusty notepad and pen handy for the entire escapade): a man/woman Wonderwoman (very convincing except for the mysterious bulge); a drunk black man dressed a Winnie the Pooh grunting various unintelligible bits of what I can only imagine was profanity; trashcan and maidcart pissing (when a drunk man's gotta go, he's gotta go, Alf mask or not); a man that was saved by a Spam sandwich at 4 in the morning; chucking beer cans at super crappy goth bands in front of ten thousand people; Jabba the hut wearing my world famous punk rock hat; finding "To do before I die-lick a storm trooper" scrawled in my notebook in someone else's handwriting w/o the faintest idea of how that happened; awkwardness and Mayo (even I don't know what the fuck that means); overhearing the grandest pick up line ever: "you look like my ex-wife"; wandering into a "gaming" room at 3 in the morning; coming to the following conclusion at the end of the DC experience "we should go somewhere that doesn't smell like SPAM; stumping a geek with the following question "How was it possible for Lois Lane to have Superman's kid in the last Superman movie? His sperm had to have blown out her fuckin gasket."; realizing that after two days of solid drinking w/ a sprinkling of SPAM ingestion that my farts smelled like vintage colon cancer; overhearing the following statement "I'm not racist, but the thought of having sex with a black man makes me choke." White people scare me. Especially a hundred thousand of them in costumes. But they're fun to fuck with. Especially when one is inebriated and wearing an ALF mask with "I eat Pussy" scrawled on one's bare chest. I say it once more. White people scare me. Especially when they go by the name of Cecil.