Epiphany

The owner of my broken heart is returning to claim damaged goods (or atleast meet up for a cup of coffee) over Xmas break and I can barely contain myself. I haven't been this excited about christmas since that fat bastard St. Nick stopped coming by the crib. I didn't think I was that bad, but apparently fat white people seem to think so. Maybe if he learned to put down the fork he wouldn't have to take out his aggression on me. I don't ask for much. I fuckin hate white people.
In other news, Vin and I spent all day yesterday re-organizing the Pawn Shop. It was hard work but good times nonetheless. I found this sweetass custom gunholster (Wild West-style ala Doc Holliday NOT Will Smith). I rocked that shit w/ empty gunshells all day long. As I pushed a shopping cart full of 25 rifles and ammo sporting a fully-equipped bullet belt with a revolver in the holster that had a barrel that was longer than a fully erect elephant penis (another story entirely), I found myself humming the chorus of "I'm proud to be an American." For once, I think I actually connected with our conservative counterparts. Right there in the back rooms of the one and only Griffin Pawn Shop. I wanted to get into an Expedition, drive down to Florida to shoot a manatee and barbeque the hell out of it. I felt like harassing some Democrats, finding some homeless people and telling them to get a job; banning stem cell research and gay marriage. I blessed God for George Bush and for liberating the Iraqi people. I couldn't wait to get home to watch the O'Reilly Factor.
Then I put down the gun and realized I had been indavertently huffing the contents of a bug spray can that had been perforated at some point during our escapade.
What can we learn from this?
One can only appreciate our adminstration's policies if you get high.
Just ask Rush Limbaugh...he knows what's up.