Study tips from someone who knows...

So I had to take the culminating assessment (that's teacher-speak for Test) for my class today. During the last two weeks, we learned about the different types of learning disabilities that students can have. So I decided, albeit subconsciously, to give myself a temporary learning disability for the test. Instead of studying and getting a good night's rest, I was out partying/rocking til the break of dawn. At five this morning, I woke up in a friends car and drove home; desperately attempting to get a few precious hours of sleep before taking the test, thinking it would appease the gloriously appropriate headache/nausea that I had received as a result of drinking cheap beer all night long. It didn't, but I took the test and did well. I'm thinking about writing a book chock full of study tips much like this one for those poor lost souls that have not discovered my key(s) to success.

Red Headed Stranger

That's right. Willie Nelson rocks my face and I ain't afraid to show it.
Yeah...so my new place is slowly coming together. It's begininng to look more like suitable living quarters and less like an air conditioned storage closet. I recently discovered that I live a few houses down from Otis Redding III. I wonder if he'll welcome me to the neighborhood with a singing telegram. That would make my week.
My brother and I successfully moved a piano yesterday. It was not nearly as brutal as I thought it would be, but I definitely do not recommend it as a fun filled endeavour that should be shared with loved ones. It was worth it because now I enjoy the luxury of being able to roll out of bed to tickle the ivories.
Had the opportunity to see the Futureheads on Monday and I believe they're my new favorite band. That's it. They're fucking great and everyone needs to know.

New Place

As I sit here cursing myself for not grabbing my trusty coffeemaker I felt that this would be as good a time as any to sit and reflect. Although I do indeed have 99 percent of my things in my new place, I forgot the muthfuckin coffeemaker. If I wasn't so out of it I would kick myself for being so inept. Last Thursday I had the illustrious opportunity to rock my face off at the Star Bar. I'm starting to spread my sweet dance moves throughout the bar/club scene in Atlanta. Maybe I'll quit my job and teach the world to do "Nylund." I'll have to invest in some sweet parachute pants, maybe with "Sweetass" across the rump. Even if I don't do the dance instructor thing, I'm gonna get those pants. That's too good of an idea to pass up.

Movin time

As the mumbling poet with the gloriously atrocious voice Robert Zimmerman once said, the times are a changin. I'm in the process of moving yet again. I've spent the past few days (and plan on spending most of the day today) throwing around all of my crap in the oppressive Southern heat and all I hear in my head is Tyler Durden saying "the things that you own start owning you." I'm beginning to gain a profound understanding of that concept as I haul around all of my material possessions. Speaking of profound things, I noticed something during my meanderings in Macon a few days ago that I found a bit odd. But odd in the sense that shit like this makes life worth living. Delightfully ludicrous if you will. As I was driving down one of the busiest streets in Macon I noticed a man standing near the side of the road. The man, probably in his mid-40's, with long gray hair wearing a pink polo shirt and some khaki shorts. He looked like he just finished smokin a doobie on the back nine of the public golf course(meaning that he didn't look broke but he definitely struck me as someone that liked golf but had no business at the country club). As a matter of fact he resembled The Dude from the Big Lebowski with gray hair and no facial hair. And the whole golf thing is just a hypothesis. He could like bowling. and coitus. and white russians. and nihilists. Who knows? But that's irrelevant. So this "Dude"-looking mother fucker is staring at a large "Readings by Lisa" (you know the type. The whole palm reading, tarot card, hocus pocus, hum on my crystal balls...) sign with a remarkably intense expression on his face as if he believed that he would unlock some cosmic secret if he stared at it long enough. As I drove by I wondered how long he would stand there waiting. Maybe he's still there.

Summer break is finally here

So show me them sweet nips...It's funny that I mention that b/c the last time I saw a pair of bubbies was on St. Patty's day at the world-famous River Street celebration in Savannah when some inebriated sorority minion of superficiality flashed a crowd of 500 drunks for a fistful of tacky beads. I'm not sure if that even counts. Moving right along, I have officially finished my first year as an educator. It's been real and it's been fun but I'm glad that my two month break is here. Aside from taking a bullshit education class (I apologize...I'm sure it will be an enriching experience that will help me become a better educator) and another test I must take for certification, I'm just playing music and traveling. Good times indeed. In exactly a weeks time I will be in the studio with the band laying down tracks for our demo/EP that will make us millions. I'm super excited about the material that we've been writing and I think you, my loyal reader(s), will be as well. I leave you with some of the strange situations/occurences that I have witnessed and or been privy to in the last few weeks:
1. Apparently one can die from expired pancake mix (if you don't believe me, google that shit). So it's settled. I'm gonna move to Sweden and start a grindcore band called "The Butterworth Destroyers." First album title "Death by Pancake Mix," featuring the hit singles "Log Cabin Nightmare" and "Covered in Batter."
2. Two female students nearly got into a fistfight over which one of them would have my hand in marriage during the last week of school. So apparently my charm and dashing good looks works on the 15-18 year old and the 65 and up demographics. Still no luck on anything in between. But such is life and she's a hormoaning old bitch with noticeable facial hair.
3. A few weeks ago, two Czech politicians got into a fistfight at a press conference (Once again, if you don't believe me, go to the BBC website. I'm not smart enough to make this shit up).
4. Fate and copious amounts of alcohol brought my buddy Brad and I to the Crowne Plaza hotel bar where we witnessed a completely FUBAR-ed wedding party attempting to dance to Tone Loc. We did what any God fearing citizen placed in our position would have done, we ate their food and grabbed a sign marked "Speedy Concrete Cutters." Still trying to figure out what the hell the aforementioned sign means.
5. Had a nearly toothless woman aged 60 years young tell me that I had sexy legs as I gave her some spare change, insisting that she was not trying to "get fresh w/ me," but that it was a well intentioned compliment.
6. Had band practice, got smashed and went ghost hunting in the graveyard armed with Miller High life, a digital camera, and an impressive posse of Griffin's finest ghost hunters (No garlic or holy water b/c those are for pansies).